10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Getting a Divorce
I sat there, frozen like a statue. Two years of dating, an 18-month engagement, and 11 years of marriage—and it all came down to this single moment. I was wearing a new cashmere sweater because it made me feel fancy after years of feeling lonely and dull. I sat in my lawyer's office, wishing I could have afforded someone better, someone who still had a heart for this kind of work. Then there was my soon-to-be ex. He didn’t even have the guts to attend the funeral of our marriage in person. His giant, bowling ball-shaped head covered every pixel on the screen just as his ego claimed an outsized presence in our marriage.
I could barely breathe. How could I have been so wrong about him?
The judge joined the Zoom call and rattled off questions I can’t recall now. All I remember is the sharp crack of the gavel that echoed through the virtual courtroom, piercing the awkward silence leaving my heartbeat on speaker.
The time stamps, cold and clinical, finalized our divorce.
"It’s over," my lawyer said as he turned to me. "I'll send over the paperwork."
I was sad. I was lost. But I was free.
If you’re a single mom or a woman considering divorce, you probably have a million questions swirling in your mind: Will I be okay? How will this affect my kids? Can I really start over? Spoiler alert: The answer is yes, you can. But let me save you some time, money, and possible heartache by sharing the ten things I wish someone had told me before I dove headfirst into my “new beginning.”
Your lawyer isn’t a therapist.
I learned this lesson the hard (and expensive) way. Every vent session at $300 an hour could’ve been a spa day. Save the emotional unload for a good therapist. It's a much lower co-pay.
Going through a divorce is exhausting. There are forms, meetings, court dates, and emails (so many emails). Keep a folder—digital or physical—because your organizational skills will be put to the test. And trust me, "winging it" doesn’t work here.
Kids are resilient…but they need you to be, too.
They’ll pick up on your emotions faster than a nosy neighbor. Be honest about what's happening, but don’t overshare. And remember, co-parenting is less about liking your ex and much more about loving your kids.
Co-parenting is a continuation, not a fresh start. There's something I've got to tell you. The issues you had in your marriage won’t magically disappear once the divorce is finalized. They’ll reappear during school pick-ups, holiday planning, and countless other moments you’ll have to navigate together.
Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s survival.
Embrace the importance of rest. Take a nap, order takeout, and practice saying no to unnecessary demands on your time. Work out, put the phone on silent, or journal. Find your tribe, and laugh when you can. Self-care doesn't have to be expensive. It just has to fill your cup during this life-changing process.
Your "couple friends" will change. Don’t be surprised if certain friends you once trusted exit stage left or even take sides with your ex. Your true friends will stand by you, and you’ll also find new connections with people who truly understand your journey.
You'll notice yourself getting stronger. One day, instead of analyzing your ex's latest social media post like a true crime documentary, you’ll find yourself Googling things like 'best solo travel destinations' or 'how to dye your hair pink without regret.' It’s the shift from 'Why did this happen to me?' to 'What’s next for me?' And it’s glorious.
Dating is…a whole new world. Swipe left. Swipe right. Swipe…what even is this? Dating after divorce is equal parts hilarious and horrifying. May the force be with you.
Peace will become your ultimate priority. You’ll learn to let go of chaos of all kinds. In time, you'll prioritize peace over conflict with friends, family, and things that no longer serve you.
New beginnings are worth it. The firsts—your first solo vacation, your first big decision without someone else’s input, your first belly laugh that doesn’t feel weighed down by sadness—they’re magical. They’re proof you’re stronger than you ever imagined.
It's hard to believe now but happily ever begins the moment you accept the change ahead. If you’re standing on the edge of this decision, wondering if you’re brave enough to take the leap, let me assure you: you are. As someone who’s been through the ups and downs of life after divorce, I’m here to guide you, support you, and help you avoid the pitfalls I’ve seen firsthand.
Ready to take the next step? Click here to apply for mentorship today. Your fresh start is closer than you think.